i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
