I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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