i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
