I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
