I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
