i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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