I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
