In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
