Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
