My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
