it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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