I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
