He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
