you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
