I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She even gives head with a lisp.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
