I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
