Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
