i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Who put my cat in the fridge?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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