i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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