I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
