I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
