maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize