Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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