I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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