I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
they need to just BURY HIM!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
