my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
