I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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