I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
