they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
