hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
