love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
