Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
