Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
