im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
