God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
God I need to hump something, right now.
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