Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
