My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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