making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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