Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize