i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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