how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
