Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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