it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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