So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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