now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
