I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
