i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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