wakey wakey hands off snakey
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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