I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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