You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
