im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
