yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
