Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
