I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
