i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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