we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
