she was so not down for the gang bang
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
