We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
