just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
