dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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