if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize