I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
