She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
