I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
