is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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