Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
