oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
