That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize