I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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