oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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