Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
