White coat. Heels.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
