So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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