I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
