Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
