dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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