My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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