Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bring me that man meat
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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