How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
