umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
