just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize