Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
