I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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