You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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