Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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