my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
