Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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