its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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