don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
