So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
