So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
