remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
