...so i touched it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just want to make out with him forever
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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