I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize