He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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