sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
