i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
