Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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