i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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