Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
