I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
