I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
